The Konaha Dance
by naruto and ponygon fan
Summary: lol remember this is not romance, just humor! yes i screwed up something. when kiba says your mom... its supposed to say shino not shikamaru my fault.
1. week before the dance

A/n- Well I was bored so I started writing this. Sorry but this isn't really a romance thing it's more of just humor. Yes this is before Sasuke left. After this moronic story I'm going to right the Lee v. Neji. Remember this makes no sense in the time line so enjoy!

Every ninja in Kohana was talking about the annual Kohana Dance. All the men getting ready to ask the women out, and even then young genin were getting ready.

Yamanaka Ino and Haruno Sakura were fussing about who Uchiha Sasuke was going to ask.

"Of course he's not going to ask you out Sakura." "What are you talking about Ino! He knows me better." Sakura hollored back with the creepy veins coming out of her forehead.

"Shut up fore-head girl! For God's sake you have pink hair. You look like a high school drop out that works at a fast food resturaunt like the ramen bar. On the other hand I look like umm a good looking person." Ino smirked back stupidly.

"Nice vocabulary Ino." Sakura said back with sarcasm. Before either one of them said anything else they were in a rumble.

Naruto was taking a walk to the ramen bar until he saw a poster on the street. Naruto began to read,

_Kohana annual dance! September 1._

"What? There having a dance and I didn't know about it!" Naruto then ran up to a random person walking on the street and asked, "How long has that poster been up there?"

The man replied back, "About 3 months."

"WHAT! I've been walking by that poster for 3 months and I still didn't realize it." Naruto screached with his hands on his face.

Shikamaru and Chouji were also walking down the street and saw Naruto screaming his head off with everyone looking at him.

"Should we go see whats wrong with Naruto." Chouji asked while carring a bag of chips.

"Sure, why not." Shikamaru replied back.

"Hey Naruto, uhh is the ramen bar closed today or something, beecause your kinda in the middle of a street screaming." Shikamaru asked.

"Shikamaru! Chouji! Do you guys know about this dance thing!"

"Yeah, remember we told you about it when the poster first came up.

_Flashback_

"_Hey Naruto, who are you planning to ask to the dance?" _

"_Wahhh! The ramen shops closed today!"_

_end flashback_

"What? I don't remember this." Naruto said with his idiodic face.

"You should have been smart like us, we planned ahead for this. I already asked Temari from the sand village..

"Yeah and I'm either going to ask my mom or just go by myself and eat the free food." Chouji said .

Then an akward silence came and everyone stared at chouji.

"Well uhh anyways I have to go ask Sakura! Bye!" Naruto yelled out while running down the street.

Shino and Kiba were now walking back from a D-ranked mission talking about who they were going to ask.

"I'm thinking about asking Hinata, what about you Kiba."

"I'm not for sure, probably your older sister." Kiba replied

"What!" Shino yelled angirly.

"Uhh I mean I'm going to ask…" Kiba tried to think of something quick but the only thing now he could think og to say was

"..Your mom" Kiba then froze while shikamaru got even argrier. Now they were also in a rumble.

Now it's Sasuke's turn. Sasuke was in his apartment quietly talking of the consequences of asking everybody.

"If I ask Sakura, Ino might slice my head off in jealousy. If I ask Ino, Sakura might also slice my head off in jealousy. If I ask Shino's sister…" Before Sasuke could finish talkiong to himself Shino came in and got into a rumble with Sasuke.

To be continued.


	2. still the week before the dance

A/n- Wow I'm getting absolutely no hits at all. Anyone know a way to get more, that would be helpful.

After Sasuke, and Kiba got beat up by Shino, we find Lee, Neji, and Tenten training.

…

After they finished their three second training Lee and Neji were walking back together.

"So, who do you plan on taking to the dance Neji?" Lee asked while noticing all they posters on the wall.

"I don't know, maybe myself."

"HAHA! Good one Neji! But now, seriously, who are you planning to take?" Lee yelled out then went back to his normal voice.

"Umm…myself." He answered back.

"Ok Neji, it's getting old, who are you going to take out?"

"Myself God damnit!"

"Uhh ok…" Lee replied while Neji wanted to kill him…again.

After Neji cooled down for a while he asked Lee the same question.

Lee replied, "Sakura of course! I mean who else has a butt that big."

Neji stared at Lee for a second until Lee said, "Uhh I mean uhh she's beautiful! That's why."

DUN DUN DUN! Lee's true feelings for Sakura appeared! We now know Lee is a true guy!

Naruto found Sakura buying some fruit at a nearby store. Naruto got ready to make his move but just as he did he saw Lee running towards her. 'No, I must beat Lee to her!'

They both now were sprinting now to her. They were now right next to eachother, head to head. When they finally got to her, they forgot to stop. SLAM

Naruto and Lee both got up from the collision and noticed Sakura was still lying there,… dead like. Lee went up and poked her and she twitched a little. They both stared at her a little and figured out she was unconcious. They started whistling and walking to the side until they got far away enough and started sprinting again.

Young ninjas weren't the only ones getting ready. Jiraiya got in a suit and was ready to "act" like a gentleman so he could get Tsunade to go with him.

Jiraiya knocked on the door to the hokage tower and was pumped!

Two minuets later.

"Please go with me! I beg of you!" Jiraiya screamed on his knees next to Tsunade.

"For the last time no! For God's sake." She screamed looking at the old pervert.

"Fine be that way, but I always have another plan!"

…

Jiraiya went up to the ramen bar and found Naruto eating his miso ramen.

"This is the best plan I evre thought of, if this doesn't work it's off to Shino's mom!"

Then a dark shadow came behind him and it was Shiba(Shino's father.)

"Oh……crap!"

After Jiraiya said that a swarm of bugs mugged him.


	3. the fartneji thingy

A/n- sorry it took me a while to update, I've been busy with sports and school. Okay I hope you like this chapter. Sorry about the short chapters but ehh.

After Sakura got knocked out Tsunade walked over and got Sakura back to normal status.

"What happened Sakura?"

"I-I don't remember, all that I can think," She continued until she did something very embarrassing.

FART

"Ahh! I didn't mean…"

FART

"Why can't I stop farting?"

Little did she know when Naruto crashed into her, he spilled his EXTRA Bean ramen, and somehow it landed in her mouth.

Lee saw that Sakura was back up (not noticing the farts from a distance.) and he ran over to her ready to ask her out.

When Lee reached her, he tapped her on the shoulder from behind and started saying,

"Sakura I would be honored if you would,"

Just as he was about to ask her she let out the biggest one yet.

FAAAAAARRRRTTTT!

Lee stood there for a second, and then he took a sniff.

…

"AHHHH, the smell!" He screamed while covering his nose looking like he was going to die.

Lee then fell over on the ground. He was twitching a lot and he tried not to breathe or smell.

Sakura stood there in much embarrassment and when she turned around back to Tsunade she was also on the ground twitching.

Right when she was about to scream Naruto came over with his extra bean ramen in his hand.

"Hey Sakura, want some extra bean ramen?"

She then screamed and ran away.

"Did I say something wrong?" Naruto asked himself as he slurped up a long noodle.

Sasuke was taking a walk around Konaha with a broken arm from the "Incident" with Shino.

While walking he noticed and arm coming out of a bush. He walked towards it and pulled the arm out and found Kiba's unconscious body from the other "Incident" with Shino.

Neji was at his house writing a letter asking someone out.

DUN DUN DUN!

Neji walked to his mailbox and hugged it quickly. He then shoved it inh the mailbox making sure nobody saw him.

Of course Tenten saw him put in the letter in the mailbox. While Neji shut the door to jis house Tenten quickly went to the mailbox hoping that the letter was to her.

She got the letter and ripped it open and started reading the first to words.

_Dear Neji_

"What? Dear Neji? I thought he wrote it."

Right when she was about to read more Neji came running out and snatched the letter from Tenten.

"Umm Neji, whats going on?" she asked Neji while he was reading then letter he wrote.

"YES!" he yelled out hugging the letter again.

"What? Neji I'm confused."

"God Tenten, I'm in a moment hear, the person that I wanted to ask me out just did."

"What but I thought you wrote that letter?"

"I did."

"But you said someone just asked you out in the letter."

"Yes and your point is."

"Wait, you asked yourself out?"

"Yes, yes I did."

Tenten fell to the ground also twitching.

To be continued


	4. Shikacho's probamo Sasuke's screwed

A/n- Oh my freaking God! Lol this took so long to update (for me anyways) sorry I've had a ton of soccer. Okay here I go.

Chapter 5

All ready two people were set for the dance. Neji and Shikamaru. Neji was going with… well himself, and Shikamaru was going with Temari, or was he? DUN DUN DUN!

Shikamaru just got bad news. Temari had a month long mission with Kankuro and Gaara. So now only Neji was ready…still creepy.

Shikamaru was walking to Chouji's hopuse to tell Chouji what a drag this was. Shikamaru reached to Chouji's house and found Chouji staring at his mom on a chair, and on the chair next to her a bag of chips.

"Uh Chouji, what are you doing?" Shikamaru asked.

"I'm trying to decide who I should take to the dance."

"You meen your mom and a bag of chips…" Shikamaru said while slaping himself on his face staring at his stupid friend.

"Yeah whats wrong with that! Anyways why are you here!" Chouji fired back trying not to look like a complete dunce.

"Well Temari has a week long mission so…" Shikamaru started to say until chouji interupted.

"What are you talking about, in the Sand-village it's party month."

"What? Damn that Temari!" Shikamaru yelled out until Chouji interupted again,

"She's most likely already in a men's strip club throwing dollars at them."

"AHHHHHHH! You've got to be kidding me!" Shikamaru screamed.

Then Shikamaru started to shake. "Hey why are you shaking Shikamaru?"

Then Shikamaru Put both hands on his head and started to scream,

"BAD IMAGES! BAD IMAGES!" Right after that Chouji also started shaking.

"DAMN YOU SHIKAMARU! NOW I HAVE BAD IMAGES TOO!"

A hour later after Shikamaru and Chouji were paranoid, they finally got the images of naked male's out of their head( Now as the author I have BAD IMAGES! DAMN MYSELF)

"Wait Shikamaru, I have an idea!"

"What could this be an idea of? Let m,e guess," Shikamaru them did a voice mimicking Chouji's voice saying, "Let's have chips!"

"Shut up! It's not that this time. How about you go with my mom and I'll go with a bag of chips, then my mom wont have hurt feelings." Chouji continued with a big smile on his face.

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard of you bastard!"

"But it would work!" Chouji exclaimed while raising both of his eyebrows twice.

Meanwhile Sasuke was in his apartment hiding in a box.

'I'm so scared! Ino and Sakura threatened to get their dad's to beat the crap out of me if I don't ask them out. Crap why do I have to be uber-sexy' Sasuke thought while hugging his knees in his box.

Just then Sasuke's box flew up and Sasuke's first sight was Yamanaka Inoichi(Ino's father) and a tall man with pink hair.

Inoichi shoved Sasuke to the wall. Sasuke was scared until he took a look at Sakura's dad.

"HAHAHA! You've got to be kidding me! You are the homiest homo I'ne ever seen, you gay , gaying…."

Just as Sasuke was about to finish his some what of a dissage Mr. Haruno Beat the living crap out of Sasuke.

First Shino broke Sasuke's arm, now Mr. Haruno broke Sasuke's legs.

To be continued

A/n- haha, I like that chapter. And I know Sakura's father was mentioned once but never seen but I wanted to use him anyways… in my own way.

Please review


	5. narutos gotta pee

A/n-Okay I'm getting a little more reviews which is a good start. Yes I realize this is the most random story ever but yeah you've got to admit it's funny. Okay also, anyone here any good rumors about the filler about to be done?

After getting beat up by Shiba (Shino's father), Jaraiya continued with his mega ultra plan. When at his house he shut all the blinds, and pulled down all his curtains. He grabbed a scroll with the words 'secret plan' on it. He also grabbed a…..playboy.

After looking at his playboy, he put unrolled his scroll out on his kitchen table.

First there was a number one on it had a picture of Jaraiya and Naruto. Its descriptions for number one was

'Get Naruto to do you a favor'

Then number two came up. Its description was,

'Get Naruto to perform his ninja centerfold jutsu and then take him to the dance.'

After that there was no more numbers.

"Hehehe." He laughed while blushing.

Here is a special News report! Kiba will be unconscious for a month so he will miss the dance!

Now were back.

After Sakura had her 'incident'

Naruto was running back to his apartment.

"Damn it! Why did I have to have so much ramen broth! I need to piss!" He said sprinting with dust coming out of the ground because he was going so fast.

"I see it! Only a few more seconds!" He said now almost tearing because of how bad he needed to pee.

Right about when Naruto was about get to his door he heard a small voice.

"Na-Naruto?"

It was Hinata right by a tree near his apartment.

'Damn why now!' Naruto thought while twitching.

"Umm Naruto I-I…"

'GET THE CRAP ON WITH IT' Naruto screamed in his mind until he remembered something.

'OH NO! I forgot to wear underwear today! Man if she keeps me here any longer I'm gunna have to piss my pants! And if that happens the pee will go right down my legs to the ground!' He continued to panic in his mind while Hinata was still fidgeting.

"I-I want to ask if you w-would like to…"

PISSSSSSS

'OH NO! I can't stop pissing…but I feels awesome. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh' Naruto thought as a big pee stain was not on his pants, plus pee hit the ground so there was a puddle next to him.

"Oh my freaking God! You freaking pissed yourself!" Hinata screamed.

"Wait did you just scream?" Naruto asked completely forgetting about the pee, which was still coming out.

Before Naruto could get an answer Hinata already ran away.

"Umm, oops." Naruto said while he was still peeing.

Now Naruto's pants were completely wet. Yeah, that's right, every single part of his pants.

"Stop peeing! Stop it, stop it, stop it!" He cried. Then, enraged, he punched his "weenie" as hard as he could.

"OH MY GOD, IT HURTS LIKE HELL! WHY'D I DO THAT?" Naruto screamed while on the ground holding his balls.

To be continued

A/n- well I realize most of you guys are like "I waited that long for that freaking small chapter, you suck!" But I only have two free days in the week(Monday and wensday) so I try. Thanks for reading!


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